Regrettable Sex

Since a lot of studies have focused on non-consensual sex, and many have focused on consensual sex and everything that it involves, I thought it would be interesting to talk about one that deals with sex that is consensual, but one or both of the participants later regrets it (run on sentence? Anyone want to be my editor?).

Let me say up front that some of the conclusions the writers of this study come to I don’t agree with. “Regrettable Sex” is one of those topics the religious like to pick up on. They don’t say it like that, but they like to talk about the bad social and psychological implications of premarital sexual relationships (for debunking of these ideas and some showing of the positive aspects read Harmful to Minors). Sex can be enjoyed by consenting adolescents and it is normal for adolescents to have sexual desires. That said, there is a percentage of adolescents (and everyone for that matter) who do regret a sexual experience they have had.


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The literature review for this article was small. It had two articles: one talked about ages 12-17 and the other was by U.S. Catholic which I don’t really even understand why it was included. There was a lot of “might” and “maybe” language included in the discussion of that study and no numbers.

The first study did give some useful information though. Namely that 55% of males and 72% of females between the ages of 12-17 who had engaged in intercourse wish they would have waited longer to do so. While I am not one to argue with the numbers I would say that these have a lot to do with our current sexual environment and opinions of premarital sex.

I believe they would change considerably if we taught our children that they can have healthy sexual encounters (of varying kinds, from touching/kissing to intercourse), and that they were not naughty to do so. We just need to teach them that it is healthier to take these activities when they feel they are ready for them, and when they have appropriate protection from disease and pregnancy. I am really stressing this because I have read other people’s “sex ed” blogs and info sites that claim to be fairly liberal, but they still seem to frown upon sexual activity among youth (or at least don’t mention the positive aspects).


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On to the method and findings of the study. They took students (n=392) from a Human Sexuality course and had them submit their stories of regrettable sex. They found that 73% of the stories were of females regretting a certain encounter and the rest were from males. The six major reasons: It was a disappointing first time (25%); It was unprotected sex (22%); I was cheating on my partner (17%); It was a one night stand (17%); I was drunk (16%); It ruined our friendship (11%). These percentages total 108% because peoples responses fit under more than one category sometimes.

The researchers are good to note that in 49% of the cases alcohol was involved, but in only 16% of them was it the reason for regret. They quickly jump to the conclusion that in all the other 33% of the cases alcohol was clouding the judgment of those involved. While this may be the case, there are also other possibilities: it may the subjects way of saying, “we were at a social event” or even, sadly (at the other end of the spectrum), “It was hardly consensual.” But to say that alcohol is the all ruining evil in these cases goes a little far I would say: clearly the study shows you can have regrettable sex without alcohol. Actually a small majority of the cases were without alcohol (51%).

The researchers mention in there discussion that some of this information should be taught in sex ed courses. I might agree with this, but only after we have removed abstinence only and the religious undertones of it. Like I said above, this information could quickly become, “most people regret a premarital sexual experiences” which is not what we can conclude from this. What we can conclude is simply that most people will regret a sexual experience at some point in their lives, and I think that is fair. But that they can prepare themselves for sexual experiences so that they are less likely to feel regret afterwards, and that they should take their personal situation and beliefs into account when faced with a decision to be sexually active.

All statistics and information (unless I was extrapolating or disagreeing with the researchers) was taken from the following article: Sandra, Caron L., and Moskey G. Eilean. "Regrettable Sex: an Exploratory Analysis of College Stundents' Experiences." Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality 14 (2002): 47-54.